la vigilia
4 settimane fa a quest'ora stavo preparando la valigia.
Mercoledì 28 dicembre ho passato la mattinata in laboratorio. Ho finito di liberare la mia scrivania e il mio bancone. Ho buttato la maggior parte di quelle cose che, per 5 anni, avevo considerato assolutamente necessarie, ma quel 28 Dicembre non lo erano più. Come nei film, ho fatto uno scatolone mettendoci dentro dei fascicoli, delle penne, un mug, il mio badge, due piante grasse e no, nessuna foto di figli perchè non ho avuto figli durante la mia permanenza all'EPFL. Sono scesa in stabulario e ho sistemato per l'ultima volta i miei topetti, i survivors. Ho lasciato qualche nota per i miei colleghi, per quelli la cui vita non sarebbe cambiata il 29 Dicembre e sono tornata a casa a mezzogiorno, senza salutare nessuno visto che il lab era deserto causa vacanze natalizie.
Alle 14 ero in ospedale per la visita pre-operatoria. Poche formalità e una delle ultime ecografie per confermare che sì, davvero questo bambino ha la testa sotto le sue costole e no, non si è girato. Una pastiglia di gastro-protettore da prendere prima di andare a letto; una boccetta di disinfettante con cui lavarsi il tronco la mattina prima di andare in ospedale meglio si lava, migliore sarà l'esito di questa incisione; la raccomandazione di digiunare a partire da mezzanotte: appuntamento alle 9 di mattina del 29 Dicembre per registrarmi all'accettazione; ingresso in sala parto alle 9.15 e venga pure con suo marito.
4 settimane fa a quest'ora stavo preparando la valigia. Ci ho messo dentro di tutto, per poi scoprire che nulla di quello che avevo preso sarebbe stato necessario e che nulla poteva prepararmi a quel salto nel buio, a quella voce e a quegli occhioni.
4 settimane fa a quest'ora stavo preparando la valigia e, seppur ingenuamente, mi preparavo all'incontro con nostro figlio.
… to be continued…
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