il terrore delle forchette

Quando ho traslocato qui, nel lontano novembre 2006, non mi sono impegnata molto nell’arredare l’appartamento. Non avevo ancora preso il primo stipendio e già avevo dovuto depositare due mesi di affitto come caparra, pagare l’assicurazione RC, fare l’abbonamento dell’autobus, pagare il permesso di soggiorno…
Un sacco di uscite-nessuna entrata-appartamento da arredare imponevano un’unica soluzione: IKEA. Il comune denominatore di tutti i miei acquisti furono, dunque, l’economicità e, ove possibile, il colore rosso. Cuscini rossi, lenzuola rosse, bicchieri rossi, stoviglie rosse.

Tutto bene finchè sono stata l’unica utilizzatrice degli utensili di casa; i problemi sono cominciati con l’arrivo del fu-moroso. Tra lui e le forchette di casa esisteva un rapporto controverso, che è culminato nell’eliminazione di 2 delle 6 forchette che avevo. Non è colpa mia: queste forchette sono di materiale scarso e, mentre le uso, si spezzano a metà. Siamo corsi ai ripari acquistando un tristissimo set di posate nere: moroso, tu d’ora in poi userai solo le forchette nere. Lascia le rosse a me.

Le 4 superstiti ieri sono diventate 3. Mogliettina, non ci crederai. Stavo mettendo i piatti sporchi in lavastoviglie. La tua forchetta rossa si è incastrata, ha fatto una serie di capriole qui e là ed è caduta per terra… Non essere prevenuta… non è stata colpa mia… quando ha toccato il pavimento…. crack…. la forchetta si è spezzata a metà… vedi i due moncherini?

Proibire l’uso delle forchette rosse non è stato sufficiente. Non è stata risolutiva neppure la trasformazione moroso-maritozzo.
Mi restano due possibilità: 1. comprare un nuovo set di posate extra-strong, probabilmente non rosse; 2. far mangiare il maritozzo con le mani (e farmi la lavastoviglie da sola).

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